If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
