I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
