I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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