I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
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Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's official drugs can't kill me
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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