do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize