Pants 0. Shit 1.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
