I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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