I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
