why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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