just tell him i said nine months
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
