"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
