According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
