i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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