so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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