I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
