Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
