i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
