happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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