we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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