Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
