my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
