I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
