I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
