no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
