i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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