my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
