Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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