Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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