Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
