I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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