if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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