you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
