I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
