i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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