If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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