I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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