there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
