He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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