cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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