Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
one might say we're banned from that church
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
