I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
