Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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