did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
