Do you still have your period?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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