Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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