I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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