So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i love accidental penises.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He has the fingertips of a God
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
