He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
