jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
