I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
