Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
