just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
