You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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