Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
