my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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