Pappa wants mamma naked
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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