Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
