hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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