I can't breathe out the right side of my face
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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