My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
