I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize