Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
