I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i think i just lost a toe
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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