You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
