You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize