Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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