More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
