Michael Bay diarrhea
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
